Grieving on behalf of my son

Its weird. We are back from China with Samuel, everything is going well minus a few speed bumps, but my thoughts often return to his foster family and his loss. I find myself wondering how his foster mother is doing and what his foster father is like. I have no doubt that they miss him and have grieved his going away.

As I think of them I can’t help but be sad for his loss. I know that our adopting him was the best thing for him for many reasons, but that doesn’t erase his profound loss. I find myself hurting with him as much as for him. This is parenthood, it is more than watching your child as they go through something, but it is walking that road with him. Samuel is my son, and I feel his hurt, even if he doesn’t feel it in its fullness at this moment.

I also find myself so thankful for his foster parents. Samuel was obviously well cared for and happy. His personality comes through in so many wonderful ways, he is happy and healthy. He is relating well with Jess and I and the kids and (most of the time) is adjusting very well. I believe that his foster family gave him an amazing foundation that we will be able to build on for the rest of his life.

To Samuel’s foster family (that I know will never read this post), I thank you. We love you and pray for you, and we will care for Jian Jian (Samuel) and love him for a lifetime. Thank you for the foundation you built, for your love and care and for all you have done for Samuel. We will celebrate you, love you, and be thankful for the gift that you have given to all of us for a lifetime.